Dear Ronilynn,
Is there any way of getting your body to react the way you want it to? What if your body parts just don’t work right?”
Dear Discouraged,
You're not alone, but there is hope! Let me give you some perspective: In the National Survey of Christian Female Sexuality (Hart, Weber & Taylor) only 25% of women reach orgasm every time they have sex. 33% reach orgasm 75% of the time. Those who reach orgasm 50% or more of the time are more sexually satisfied than those who reach orgasm 25% of the time or less. So it’s worth investing time with your spouse to discover what is hindering your orgasm during lovemaking.
While a clinical diagnosis “Female Orgasmic Disorder” (involves persistent or recurrent delay in or absence of orgasm following a normal sexual excitement phase) does exist, it may not be that serious. You may simply need to build sexual tension and renewed excitement for lovemaking with your spouse. Women exhibit a wide variability in the type or intensity of stimulation that triggers orgasm so you and your spouse may need to try different types of stimulation (manual, oral, vibration) for you to reach orgasm.
God created the female clitoris for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure. It's exquisitely sensitive in design. The clitoris contains at least 8,000 sensory nerve endings. To put that into perspective, the penis has about 4,000. That makes this tiny area the most sensitive part of a woman’s erogenous zone and its sensations can spread across a woman's pelvic area by affecting 15,000 other nerve endings! So try sexual positions that stimulate your clitoris. For some fresh ideas, check out this "safe" sex position inspiration ikamasutra app.
You and your hubby might also discuss and pray about trying a vibrating couples ring, arousal creams, and lubricants to enhance stimulation during intercourse. There are a wide variety of vibrating couples rings, arousal creams, and lubricants available at this "safe" married couples store on-line: Covenant Spice
These options may be all that you need to encourage the necessary blood flow to reach your climax.
You may also need to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Specific exercises called Kegels can help if you have lost tightness and tone in your vaginal canal due to childbirth and age. There is a great Kegel Trainer app to assist you with that too!
Lastly, you may just need to relax and spend more time on foreplay with your husband, enjoying each other without stressing about the orgasmic outcome. Being relaxed, at peace with your body and sexuality is necessary to allow your body to flow normally through the sexual excitement phase and achieve orgasm.
A word of caution: Never let climax become the primary goal of sex with your spouse. The primary goal should be oneness and deeper intimacy (yada) so if introducing a bedroom accessory into your lovemaking thwarts that, don't do it. Orgasms are not essential to healthy marital intimacy, so make sure that you are not allowing this to come between you. Orgasms are a blessed gift that can add richness to your sexual bonding so give yourself, your husband and your body time to try the suggestions above. If they aren't working for you, then seek the help of an experienced medical and therapy professional like Building Intimate Marriages. There may be something more substantial hindering your orgasm (i.e.,.hormone imbalance, past trauma, etc.)
Have fun discovering your "O," enjoying the journey AND the destination!
Is there any way of getting your body to react the way you want it to? What if your body parts just don’t work right?”
Dear Discouraged,
You're not alone, but there is hope! Let me give you some perspective: In the National Survey of Christian Female Sexuality (Hart, Weber & Taylor) only 25% of women reach orgasm every time they have sex. 33% reach orgasm 75% of the time. Those who reach orgasm 50% or more of the time are more sexually satisfied than those who reach orgasm 25% of the time or less. So it’s worth investing time with your spouse to discover what is hindering your orgasm during lovemaking.
While a clinical diagnosis “Female Orgasmic Disorder” (involves persistent or recurrent delay in or absence of orgasm following a normal sexual excitement phase) does exist, it may not be that serious. You may simply need to build sexual tension and renewed excitement for lovemaking with your spouse. Women exhibit a wide variability in the type or intensity of stimulation that triggers orgasm so you and your spouse may need to try different types of stimulation (manual, oral, vibration) for you to reach orgasm.
God created the female clitoris for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure. It's exquisitely sensitive in design. The clitoris contains at least 8,000 sensory nerve endings. To put that into perspective, the penis has about 4,000. That makes this tiny area the most sensitive part of a woman’s erogenous zone and its sensations can spread across a woman's pelvic area by affecting 15,000 other nerve endings! So try sexual positions that stimulate your clitoris. For some fresh ideas, check out this "safe" sex position inspiration ikamasutra app.
You and your hubby might also discuss and pray about trying a vibrating couples ring, arousal creams, and lubricants to enhance stimulation during intercourse. There are a wide variety of vibrating couples rings, arousal creams, and lubricants available at this "safe" married couples store on-line: Covenant Spice
These options may be all that you need to encourage the necessary blood flow to reach your climax.
You may also need to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Specific exercises called Kegels can help if you have lost tightness and tone in your vaginal canal due to childbirth and age. There is a great Kegel Trainer app to assist you with that too!
Lastly, you may just need to relax and spend more time on foreplay with your husband, enjoying each other without stressing about the orgasmic outcome. Being relaxed, at peace with your body and sexuality is necessary to allow your body to flow normally through the sexual excitement phase and achieve orgasm.
A word of caution: Never let climax become the primary goal of sex with your spouse. The primary goal should be oneness and deeper intimacy (yada) so if introducing a bedroom accessory into your lovemaking thwarts that, don't do it. Orgasms are not essential to healthy marital intimacy, so make sure that you are not allowing this to come between you. Orgasms are a blessed gift that can add richness to your sexual bonding so give yourself, your husband and your body time to try the suggestions above. If they aren't working for you, then seek the help of an experienced medical and therapy professional like Building Intimate Marriages. There may be something more substantial hindering your orgasm (i.e.,.hormone imbalance, past trauma, etc.)
Have fun discovering your "O," enjoying the journey AND the destination!
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