I've got a dear friend who is a new bride. She has only been married for 2 1/2 weeks ☺️ She and her husband are doing great as far as communication during sex, they both love it, they are exploring and just having so much fun.
The only issue she has experienced is that she hasn't had an orgasm at all. Not during intercourse. Not during foreplay. Nothing. She's totally aroused. Totally loving everything. They've tried everything. She just isn't experiencing an orgasm.
And she has had them in the past before she got married during certain sin issues, etc. So she would know if she was or wasn't having them.
I told her I'd ask you for any insight. She is hopeful but really confused.
Her husband is very kind, patient, understanding and willing to help in any way :)
Dear Friend of a Friend,
Like all things sex related, "it’s complicated,” but there is definitely and always hope. Two and a half weeks to be in physical union with your new spouse is not much time to get to know one another intimately and to feel fully comfortable and free. Being uptight and uncomfortable is a major orgasm hindrance for women, and if you add “stress to perform” that will increase the obstacles to orgasm. It is counterproductive to true marital intimacy and sexual fulfillment to be solely focused on orgasm as the benchmark of "success" in every encounter. Having said that, orgasm is God's gift to us as we honor Him in coming together as one flesh. Therefore, it's value should not be diminished or ignored (for wife and husband).
My suggestion, start with these 3:
1. Begin with prayer. Ask Father God to reveal and remove move every hindrance to your total sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. It matters to Him, and He will honor your prayers in this.
2. Push the "reset" button. By that, I mean, remove every pre-conceived notion and past experiences from your mind by totally and completely focusing on connecting mind, body and spirit with your husband. Be in every moment 100% from foreplay to climax.
3. KISS! "Saliva contains the sex hormone testosterone, which triggers libido." says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. "So the more time you spend kissing, the more primed you'll be for sex, resulting in a more intense sexual experience." And remember, lips aren't the only place to kiss. Extend your kissing beyond the lips to one or more of these erogenous zones: ears, neck, hands, stomach, thighs and back of the knees.
If after at least 30 days of incorporating these suggestions, you still haven't found your "O," reach back out to me for some more advanced ideas.
In His Love,