Heyyy Roni!!
I've got a dear friend who is a new bride. She has only been married for 2 1/2 weeks ☺️ She and her husband are doing great as far as communication during sex, they both love it, they are exploring and just having so much fun. 
The only issue she has experienced is that she hasn't had an orgasm at all. Not during intercourse. Not during foreplay. Nothing. She's totally aroused. Totally loving everything. They've tried everything. She just isn't experiencing an orgasm. 
And she has had them in the past before she got married during certain sin issues, etc. So she would know if she was or wasn't having them. 
I told her I'd ask you for any insight. She is hopeful but really confused. 
Her husband is very kind, patient, understanding and willing to help in any way :)
Whatcha think?
Muah!
K

Dear Friend of a Friend,
​
Like all things sex related, "it’s complicated,” but there is definitely and always hope.  Two and a half weeks to be in physical union with your new spouse is not much time to get to know one another intimately and to feel fully comfortable and free.  Being uptight and uncomfortable is a major orgasm hindrance for women, and if you add “stress to perform” that will increase the obstacles to orgasm.  It is counterproductive to true marital intimacy and sexual fulfillment to be solely focused on orgasm as the benchmark of "success" in every encounter.  Having said that, orgasm is God's gift to us as we honor Him in coming together as one flesh.  Therefore, it's value should not be diminished or ignored (for wife and husband).  
 
My suggestion, start with these 3:
1. Begin with prayer.  Ask Father God to reveal and remove move every hindrance to your total sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.  It matters to Him, and He will honor your prayers in this.
2. Push the "reset" button.  By that, I mean, remove every pre-conceived notion and past experiences from your mind by totally and completely focusing on connecting mind, body and spirit with your husband.  Be in every moment 100% from foreplay to climax.
3. KISS!  "Saliva contains the sex hormone testosterone, which triggers libido." says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. "So the more time you spend kissing, the more primed you'll be for sex, resulting in a more intense sexual experience."  And remember, lips aren't the only place to kiss.  Extend your kissing beyond the lips to one or more of these erogenous zones: ears, neck, hands, stomach, thighs and back of the knees.  

If after at least 30 days of incorporating these suggestions, you still haven't found your "O," reach back out to me for some more advanced ideas.

In His Love,
xxo Roni

Dear Ronilynn,
If you don’t have the hormone/chemical which creates that sexual desire, what can be done to increase it?  Are there any foods or natural remedies available?

Dear Labido Lost,
Great question!  You're not alone; all women experience changes in hormone levels that can create a temporary loss of desire.  The hormone cycle is an interaction between the brain and body, it can be impacted by illness, stress, injury, emotional trauma, lifestyle choices and eating habits.  Pregnancy and menopause more significantly affect a woman's hormone levels and her desire levels too.  The remedy can vary depending on what season of life you are in, but some general suggestions can help:
#1. Spend time with Father God. Bring all your cares to Him. (Psalm 55:22) He created you and knows your inner most being. He loves you and wants the best life for you (including sex in marriage). He not only has the power to comfort you and give you wisdom, but He also has the power to heal you. 

#2 Take and make time to care for your temple by exercising. Experts have proven that walking 30+ minutes per day can significantly improve a woman's desire for sex.  

#3 Do Kegel exercises.  They are proven to increase your pleasure levels during intercourse, and that will always leave you wanting more. There is a great Kegel App Trainer to assist you.

#4 Rest and relax. It made God’s “Top 10 List”.

#5 Take responsibility for your body and lack of sexual desire. Make learning about hormones, your body and ways to improve your desire a priority. You are worth it, and your husband is owed it! (1 Corinthians 7:5) A great resource for bedroom pleasure enhancements to include on your search is Bedroom Blessings

#6 Ask your doctor to test your hormone levels for an imbalance; Estrogen, Progesterone, and Testosterone. If there is an imbalance, ask about the various Hormone Replacement Therapies or prescription treatments available like L-Arginine amino acid cream and DHEA.

#7 Go natural and harness the power of "God's medicine cabinet," Natural Remedies and Essential Oils like Clary Sage, Ylang Ylang, Clove & Patchouli. Please Note: If you have a medical condition, including but not limited to high blood pressure or respiratory problems and if you take any prescription medication, do not use essential oils without consulting your doctor.

#8 Eat Healthy, it makes a difference! Complex Carbohydrates (whole grains, oatmeal, dried beans and peas), Fruits (Figs, Black Raspberries, Strawberries, Watermelon, Avocados, Peaches) & Green Vegetables (Broccoli, Celery, Lettuce) Sweet Potatoes, Eggs, Almonds, Garlic, Cloves, Ginseng, Saffron, Ginger, Sesame Seeds, Salmon, Dark Chocolate, and Unsweetened Green Tea all have positive impacts on sexual desire. The opposite is true for alcohol, chocolate, caffeine, fats, sugars, oysters, processed baked goods, dairy, steak, and salt. In excess, they can decrease your libido.

#9 Eat Sexy.  If you and your hubby love to share romantic dinners together, try Eat Something Sexy. They explore the pleasures of food and wine with the most extensive database of aphrodisiac foods.

#10 Indulge in some exotic blends that are proven to increase your libido. Some products that my clients have enjoyed are Sabadi "Sex" Organic Chocolate, Kusmi Tea "Sweet Love", Lulu's "Love Truffles", Republic of Tea "Get Passionate".

I can't wait to hear about your journey and rediscovery of your libido!
xxo Roni ;-)

Dear Ronilynn,
Is there any way of getting your body to react the way you want it to?  What if your body parts just don’t work right?”

Dear Discouraged,
You're not alone, but there is hope!  Let me give you some perspective: In the National Survey of Christian Female Sexuality (Hart, Weber & Taylor) only 25% of women reach orgasm every time they have sex.  33% reach orgasm 75% of the time.  Those who reach orgasm 50% or more of the time are more sexually satisfied than those who reach orgasm 25% of the time or less.  So it’s worth investing time with your spouse to discover what is hindering your orgasm during lovemaking.
While a clinical diagnosis “Female Orgasmic Disorder” (involves persistent or recurrent delay in or absence of orgasm following a normal sexual excitement phase) does exist, it may not be that serious.  You may simply need to build sexual tension and renewed excitement for lovemaking with your spouse. Women exhibit a wide variability in the type or intensity of stimulation that triggers orgasm so you and your spouse may need to try different types of stimulation (manual, oral, vibration) for you to reach orgasm.
God created the female clitoris for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure.  It's exquisitely sensitive in design.  The clitoris contains at least 8,000 sensory nerve endings. To put that into perspective, the penis has about 4,000. That makes this tiny area the most sensitive part of a woman’s erogenous zone and its sensations can spread across a woman's pelvic area by affecting 15,000 other nerve endings!  So try sexual positions that stimulate your clitoris.  For some fresh ideas, check out this "safe" sex position inspiration ikamasutra app.  

You and your hubby might also discuss and pray about trying a vibrating couples ring, arousal creams, and lubricants to enhance stimulation during intercourse.  There are a wide variety of vibrating couples rings, arousal creams, and lubricants available at this "safe" married couples store on-line: Covenant Spice
These options may be all that you need to encourage the necessary blood flow to reach your climax.
You may also need to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.  Specific exercises called Kegels can help if you have lost tightness and tone in your vaginal canal due to childbirth and age.  There is a great Kegel Trainer app to assist you with that too! 

Lastly, you may just need to relax and spend more time on foreplay with your husband, enjoying each other without stressing about the orgasmic outcome.  Being relaxed, at peace with your body and sexuality is necessary to allow your body to flow normally through the sexual excitement phase and achieve orgasm. 

 A word of caution: Never let climax become the primary goal of sex with your spouse.  The primary goal should be oneness and deeper intimacy (yada) so if introducing a bedroom accessory into your lovemaking thwarts that, don't do it.  Orgasms are not essential to healthy marital intimacy, so make sure that you are not allowing this to come between you.  Orgasms are a blessed gift that can add richness to your sexual bonding so give yourself, your husband and your body time to try the suggestions above.  If they aren't working for you, then seek the help of an experienced medical and therapy professional like Building Intimate Marriages.  There may be something more substantial hindering your orgasm (i.e.,.hormone imbalance, past trauma, etc.)
​
Have fun discovering your "O," enjoying the journey AND the destination!  

Dear Ronilynn, 
I have just lost desire due to stress and pain pills for my arthritis.  I could care less.  Not  much in this department in terms of desire.

Dear Desire Seeker,
All medications have side effects, and most medications have sexual side effects.  A proper balance in the brain and body of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) and hormones is necessary for desire, arousal, and orgasm to occur.  Dr. Theresa Crenshaw, in Sexual Pharmacology, said, “Whenever possible, I eliminated medication altogether by utilizing nonchemical methods of improving patients health, such as diet, exercise, stress management, cognitive therapy for depression and anxiety.  If these strategies were not sufficient, and if no satisfactory substitute medication could be found, I attempted to reduce dosages.”  In one study, 73% of patients whose doses were halved reported improved sexual function while medication effectiveness continued.  *Consult your physician BEFORE altering any of your medications and continue under your doctor's supervision.  
There are additional therapy methods for Low Desire Disorders that can help to increase a woman’s desire.  You may need to seek the help of a trained sex therapist to overcome your obstacles.  There is a wonderful group of Christian Sex Therapist in the Atlanta Area at  Building Intimate Marriages.  
Don't give up on your quest to find desire for you and your husband.  Sexual fulfillment and intimacy in marriage are worth fighting for, and we are commanded to stay sexually connected! (1 Corinthians 7:5)

Dear Ronilynn,
My hubby and I have been experiencing some discomfort in intercourse lately and I wanted to see if you had any insight. 
First I'll have to give you the background info.:
Before we had kids, sex was pretty difficult because I was so tight. It was always painful and I felt like my vagina just being stretched too far the entire time. Haha!  Then after babies it was great! No intense stretching feelings anymore :) 
Since Baby #3 I've been experiencing a lot of burning during intercourse. Not stretching pain, just burning. 
We use organic coconut oil for lubricant. And it has been awesome for years! The best thing we've ever tried. 
But it doesn't matter how much I apply, I still feel a burning sensation during intercourse. 
And I have noticed that I am personally more dry while I'm nursing. But I seem waaaaaaaaaaaay more dry after this baby than with the other 2.   All that to say--my hubs and I really want to have intercourse, but this burning sensation prevents it every time :(   We still enjoy each other in many other ways, but we could use some help!   Any thoughts?
K.  Age 27, Married 6 Years, Georgia

Dear Burning Hot Sex,
I’m so glad that you asked!  To answer you properly I need to ask a few questions:
1) How many weeks/months has it been since you had baby #3? 
2) Did you allow enough time after birth for the birth canal to heal well?
3) Do you feel the burning sensation always (even when you are not having intercourse)?  Or just during and after intercourse?
4) Do you have any other symptoms (i.e.: discharge, rash, etc.)? 
I remember you saying that your hubby has sensitive skin so I would recommend an all natural, water based lubricant.  
The coconut oil is great, but it does not have the same properties that will enable a smoother glide.  The friction is what causes a lot of irritation for women.  Below are a couple that you might be interested in trying, the first one has received many positive reviews.
http://aloecadabra.com/why-aloecadabra  

http://www.yesyesyes.org/KYjelly.htm

Being dry while nursing is totally normal because your body is creating all of that extra fluid for baby.  You need to increase your water intake while nursing to help combat dehydration/dryness. 
General Hydration Recommendations for Nursing Mothers: Depending on your age, activity level, and health, you need between ½ and ¾ oz. of water per lb. of bodyweight. A simple way to figure out your hydration needs is to take your bodyweight and divide it by two. If you weigh 120 lbs., you should consume 64 oz. of fluid each day.
Hope this helps love!  Blessing to you and yours!  
xxo Roni ;-)

Dear Ronilynn,
To answer your Q's:
1. Baby #3 was born in Sept...so we are about 7 months postpartum. 
2. My hubby and I didn't resume intercourse until 6wks postpartum. I am assuming that is enough time to heal. I wasn't bleeding anymore, etc. 
3. Burning only occurs during intercourse....then I continue to have the burning sensation for a few hours after intercourse. 
4. No other symptoms ;)
And! I upped my water intake to about a gallon a day. And we tried a water based aloe lubricant to see if it helped. And it TOTALLY made the difference!! No burning during or after!   Woooooohooooooo!!!  Water is legit ;)
Thanks sooooooo much!